Red……
I recently heard Taylor Swift’s song, in full, Red…I loved the lyrics. This song summed up everything about my former relationship, that caused me to start GAPHT, in 1 song and I know it probably does for many of you as it describes much of what you all are doing through when you write into us….It really summed up what many of you go through, having or having had someone in your life with an addiction. How is that possible, that one song, can tell practically your whole story within 3-4 minutes?
But loving him is red, isn’t it ladies? We love them fully, like the color red, bold and full. We fall for them, and its red, its good, its pure, its full, its everything giving….but then sometimes you wish you had never even found out he had a porn addiction, because its so blue loosing him…
Why couldn’t it stay just red…after all, you fought so hard to get to this point, when you both loved each other, or so you thought….How did it get to this point?
When no one cared, you were there for him, when he was crying at night, you were the one making him smile… Because you loved him unconditionally perhaps… you knew who he truly was, and for the man you knew he could be once again…it made it Red…And the memories you choose to keep were Red…and were vibrant.
You tried to be a Daphne, a Julie, or may be a Brittany, perhaps, but yet you would always be you, not the porn star that he chose to visit every night, but just who you were, and all you could be…..This is what ultimately made it Blue, because, loving him was like driving a new Maserati down a dead-end street; passionate as sin yet ending so suddenly. Loving him completely was Autumn, it was so bright just before you lose it all when he changes and you find out about the addiction. His fall and loosing who he was, was so blue, like you’ve never felt, and it made you blue to the core. The coldness that exudes feels colder than any polar ice-cap, and no remnants of red remain, the flames having been put out by blue; blue wins as ice and coldness take over for an addict and those who are in the path that love them. It covers up the red, and puts out the passion that was so bright.
Missing him was always grey, like an early evening Northern sunset during storms – grey all day..forgetting him was trying to figure out if you ever even knew him, or if it all was an illusion, appearing as quick as a sunset sets..Bright and vibrant, and real one minute, and gone in an instant, the next….
What is the lesson in experiencing Red ladies with someone who had an addiction? Concentrate on the good about the Red times, and the goodness in having loved him, don’t stay in the forgetting him realm that is Blue, because it will keep you in the Grey for a very, long time if you let it, because the blue truly is sad and its very tough – for many of you, who have lost marriages especially – so the key in getting over your relationships lost to an addiction, is quickly getting through the grey (staying there for a very long time is detrimental for you), while finding appreciation for the Red when it was there and real, but learning to let go of the Blue…..
Tiffany
*Lyrics – Big Machine/Taylor Swift Red